Why People Stay Stuck Even When They Want to Change

“I can’t. It’s too big.”

In Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, we see Luke attempt to lift his X-Wing out of the bog at the instruction of Master Yoda. This seemed to be an impossible task. Up to this point, Luke had been training to use the Force and so far had demonstrated the ability to move rocks with it. When tasked by Yoda with removing the X-Wing from the bog with that very same source of power, Luke is left in complete disbelief.

Luke’s reaction to this seemingly impossible task is to immediately discount his ability to do it. This is a far larger object than the rocks he has been lifting. However, he attempts it. He wants to be a Jedi Knight, to have the strength to face and defeat Vader. This is a test given to him to progress on this path. He attempts because he wants what lifting the X-Wing represents.

He closes his eyes, musters the Force and… fails to lift the X-Wing out of the bog. He is discouraged and feels this validates his belief that it cannot be done. “I can’t. It’s too big.”

Yoda then closes his eyes and lifts his hands, pulling from the Force to lift the X-Wing, freeing it from the muck.

“I don’t, I don’t believe it.”

“That is why you fail.”

He failed, not because he was incapable, but because he limited himself through disbelief. This disbelief robbed Luke of one of two necessary components for growth. The first is his motivation, his desire to lift the X-Wing as a part of his transformation into a Jedi Knight. The second is his belief that he is capable of this feat.

When working to make changes in our own lives toward the identity we prefer, we often treat motivation as enough. Or, taking it a step further, if we are diligent, persistent, or disciplined enough, we will accomplish our goals.

We are then surprised or left disappointed when we are not successful. We give up the struggle, believing it to be an impossible task. Of course it is. When faced with such a task, this only confirms what we believed going into it. We attempted it, thinking it wasn’t possible for us, and this failure only validates that we were incapable of change from the start. Right?

This is why we stay stuck.

Stuck in the identity, or place we are in life, just like the X-Wing in the bog on Dagobah.

To affect positive changes in our lives, the belief in our ability to succeed is a necessary component. Motivation alone is not sufficient. It is important, but we cannot accomplish a large task simply because we are motivated. Not if we are held back, limiting ourselves before we even start.

But why do we hold these perceptions that we are incapable?

Perhaps we have attempted a particular task or goal in the past and did not succeed. We could be afraid of what happens if we fail. Our self-esteem could be tied to our capabilities, and if we fail what we already said to be impossible, maybe our sense of self takes less of a hit in the process?

To some capacity, it’s about self-preservation. Protecting ourselves from any negative outcome of our efforts. By keeping one foot on the inside of the threshold, we think we can quickly step back if the ground in front crumbles beneath our feet.

And when that ground does crumble, what then? We are left at the threshold, looking into the void, no longer seeing a path forward. We turn back. It seems to be our only option, so we return to what we’ve known. Our path leads back to the start. The bog is smelly, damp, and unforgiving, but at least we don’t have to face the dangers of the jungle beyond it.

We don’t have to fail.

If we truly want change, to grow, achieve what we want, or discover our purpose, we cannot leave one foot on the inside of the threshold. Approaching that threshold, muster your motivation to take that first step beyond. Take a breath, telling yourself you can face the trials, and take the second step in. This is what it takes to fully cross the threshold.

What if the ground does crumble beneath our feet? We allow it to. When the path ahead crumbles, we find new ground to stand on. There is more than one path leading toward our ideal selves. When one gives, find out why, and gain your footing to keep going. Don’t return to the safety from the inside of the threshold. Diligently face the trials ahead of you with the firm belief that you can continue forward.

A setback in the past does not mean you will fail now. When setbacks do occur, and they will, that is normal. No path is ever traveled perfectly. It doesn’t mean you are weak, incapable, or undeserving. Accept the setback, learn from it, and keep moving forward.

Lift that X-Wing from the bog that’s been keeping you stuck.