Why Burnout Disconnects Us From Meaning

You’ve likely had this feeling before. The feeling of being overwhelmed, or unhappy, but still trying to push forward in the way you have been. There may have been the belief that the situation will get better or that it will go away entirely. You may have been fearful of what happens when you change paths. Uncertainty and fear of losing an aspect of identity can keep us mired in something that isn’t working.

In my book, I discuss the period in my life that led me to my personal Hero’s Journey. At that time, I had just taken the management position at a residential treatment center. What should have been an amazing opportunity turned into my existential crisis. I was overworked, lacked the full support I needed, and it destroyed my relationship with my ex. In a way, my pursuit of purpose was pathological.

Being an existentialist, I craved having purpose in my life. I sought experiences in which I believed meaning could be found. To me, this management position embodied purpose. I overlooked all the harm it was doing to my mental health and relationships until it was too late to stop the bleeding.

I maintained that things would get easier, that my efforts would be recognized. I refused to let go of what I thought would bring purpose into my life. However, I neglected everything else in my life. This striving for meaning did nothing but drive me further away from my purpose in life. It was as if I was sitting on a branch, aiming to remove it, but sawing between myself and the tree.

And when I finished sawing, I fell. I fell hard. When I hit my low, I was disoriented, suicidal, and devastatingly empty. In seeking purpose at the expense of my life and mental health, I had never been further from discovering it. I had allowed my personal story to be written for me. I thought I was filling my cup, but there was a crack I was refusing to repair. I was reaching an emptiness I wasn’t prepared for. I wasn’t taking control of my autonomy to live in a way that supported my wellbeing.

However, after I did hit my rock bottom, I experienced my Call to Adventure through making intentional choices to build myself back up.  

More on that another time.

I tell my story here as a means of demonstrating how burnout can pull us from what we seek, even though we are trying to move toward it. My goal is also to demonstrate what it looks like to be fearful of losing a piece of your identity should you change paths. In my situation, I held on for so long, because I did not want to be seen as a failure and let go of the role I thought was meaningful at the time.

Many jobs lead to burnout. Some can potentially be chronically burned out but feel stuck in their position. The story is being written for them. In some ways, our culture values this burnout. There is the inherent idea that we must always push forward, despite circumstance, and “pull yourself up by the bootstraps.”

I’m here to tell you, there is no failure in determining you are being used, overworked, and treated poorly in your work environment. To take the reins and rewrite your narrative, it starts with identifying the problems it is causing and acknowledging that you are not happy.

In releasing the roles that are holding you back, you will lose an aspect of your identity; it’s okay to grieve that. However, in letting go, your hands are free to reach out to a purpose you deserve.