Picking Your Boat Apart

To start the article, I’m going to ask you to visualize the following scenario.

Imagine, if you will, that you live on an island. This island is small. It doesn’t have everything, but it has everything you need. You are the only living creature on this island that is surrounded by water on all sides.

You are alone.

There are, however, nearby islands, each with an individual person just like your island. You CAN build a boat for traveling to these islands to connect with each of these people. They can do the same, but there is a caveat. Nobody can step foot on each other’s island. Nobody can touch each other’s boat. Nobody can touch each other at all.

You can take your boat to the outskirts of an island to connect with someone else. Rendezvous may take place between islands, between individuals on their boats. Goods may be tossed over from person to boat, boat to boat, boat to island. But, again, absolutely no direct contact between an individual and someone else, their island, or their boat. The individuals may always exchange through interactions, conversations, relationships, skill transfers, mentorships; but there will always be an inherent space between two individuals that they will never be able to cross to fully understand the world of another.

(not Super but Human, 2026)

 This appears lonely and, in fact, it is. The scenario described highlights the concept of existential isolation, the idea that we will never fully connect with or understand the complete existence of another person. Relationships may be fulfilling, but no relationship will ever bridge the inherent gap that exists between each person.

 You will know your island better than anyone else. Consider your island to be aspects of yourself, your inner workings; thoughts, dreams, feelings, emotions, goals, values, beliefs, etc. These are the pieces of yourself you can share with others. Your boat then becomes the mechanism through which you share these pieces. It is your way of communicating, connecting, and finding meaning through relationships.

 This can be healthy, helpful for the development of your island.

 It can also be maladaptive, depending on how you navigate these encounters.

 For a moment, let us imagine a scenario I frequently come across in my work. Many of us, me included, will give… and give… and give to others. This often comes at the expense of ourselves and our wellbeing.

 Keeping the theme, think of it this way. You are navigating a relationship on your boat, communicating with the island or boat of another. In this situation, you have tossed over everything you have brought with you on your boat from your island. There is currently no more you can give.

 But it isn’t enough.

 They need more from you. So, what do you do? You begin taking your boat apart. Board by board. Pieces of you, your island used to construct this boat, picked apart for the comfort or benefit of another.

 Before you know it, you have given them the last piece of your boat. Then… you drift, alone, having given up pieces of your identity, wellbeing, and sense of purpose. The other person cannot save you by taking you onto their boat or island, even if they wanted to. They will take what you give them, and you are now not only alone…

 You are lost, as well.

 But, what then? You are in the sea with no boat.

You return to your island. You will inevitably find your way back. Your boat is a way of navigating the sea to connect with others. Without it, this sea returns you to yourself.

 Do not fight it. Do not anxiously swim to the boat or island of another. Let the current take you back. When back on your island, do not rush to build another boat to then get back out there to continue giving to others. Sit with your island. Sit with yourself. Understand where you are. Learn from the experience and replenish yourself. Truly get to know who you are.

 Only when you have recovered in your space do you construct a new boat. A boat you have no intention of cannibalizing for others. When you are connected with your island, and your boat is strong, relationships will be more fulfilling.